


True Independence

by RedCrossX



Series: Funhaus on Insulin [1]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Adam-Centric, Anxiety, Chronic Illness, Diabetic!Adam, Failing Self Care, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Implied relationship?, Lots of food reference, Multi, OT Whatever, OT7, Polyhaus - Freeform, Self Care, Tears, Type 1 Diabetes, happy endings, mostly comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-06
Updated: 2017-03-06
Packaged: 2018-09-28 15:05:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10124924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedCrossX/pseuds/RedCrossX
Summary: Regardless of how long you've been trying to deal with something, there's always plenty of time to make mistakes. Adam has been making them for so long that he can't really see it any other way. So when people start getting closer to him and he begins to realize that what he has may be a little bigger than who he is, Adam has to wonder how much of it is him saving himself? And how much is it hurting him?At the end of the day, sometimes Independence is knowing when you need someone else's help.





	1. Numbers

 It’s 9 am and Adam’s already been awake for two hours just to make sure that everything was sitting in order. He ignored the frustrating voice at the back of his head suggesting that he just wing it for the day as he stared down at the scars on his fingertips, but the years of action are just so _hard-wired_ into his brain he couldn’t even fathom ignoring it as his finger pressed another button. The familiar prick of a needle is like the brush of a feather against the tip of his index finger.

 A tiny drop of blood formed on its tip, and in that moment Adam was captured by how it was both the most important and least significant aspect of his life at the same time. Then, as the coffee hit his system and the world started spinning once more, he placed the drop against the test strip of the tiny device and watched the number with half-lidded eyes. He paid no mind to his phone buzzing on the other side of the table.

184\. The number blinked at Adam innocently as he reached for his phone. He didn’t even read the message as he gave himself a slight sigh of relief at seeing the number. It wasn’t _quite_ in the range his endo had recommended, but it was close enough considering what he ate the night before. Time was ticking forward, however, and Adam was already marching towards the door. He grabbed the messenger bag by the door and was on the road a few moments later.

 9:04 am. He’d be at the office in five, grab some kind of food at that bagel place down the road before someone hounded him for not eating (likely Bruce) where he’d consume roughly 55 carbohydrates, use about 4 units of insulin, and be ready to work by about 9:20.

 Adam’s life was commanded by numbers. Everything from his blood sugar to his insulin to his money to his time… it was a noose made of units and data that was always a few inches away from his neck. It prickled sometimes or even made it hard to breathe at other times, but that was just how it was going to work.

 And it worked exactly like that.

 Adam finally made it through the door of Funhaus HQ around 9:25 (there was a line at the bagel place) and was just about to set his bag against the side of his desk when he paused to see everyone standing.

 “Well I guess Sleeping Beauty decided to show up after all,” James smirked as he bumped Adam’s hip slightly while walking by. James in his tight t-shirt glory balanced a pair of reflective shades on his forehead as he hauled what appeared to be a tripod over his other shoulder.

 Adam rolled his eyes, “I’m sorry, could you sleep with the pictures Bruce and Larr were sending?”

 “I take no responsibility,” Lawrence smirked as his screen powered off, “You could’ve turned that phone off _anytime.”_

Adam relented. Instead, he just took his phone out of his pocket once more to finally take a look at the notification he had missed that morning.

_Missed Message – Bruce_

 And then it all clicked into place.

“Aw, shit,” Adam groaned.

 “What’s up?” Bruce chuckled as he bounded into the room, clapping Adam on the back, “You doing okay?”

“Yeah, I just… forgot what we were doing today.”

“Didn’t you get my message this morning?”

 “I’ve been told I can turn my phone off _anytime,”_ Adam smirked even as he felt Lawrence’s eyes cut holes in his skull.

“Asshole,” he muttered, but there was no chance he was hiding the smile appearing on his face.

 “Alright, Elyse already went ahead with Peake to get some stuff set up,” Bruce explained, likely reading it directly off his phone, “So we just need to bring the rest of this stuff to the beach and get ready to get the film reel spinning.”

 The pieces were finally starting to stick together. Their backlogs of videos they’d been building for the past few weeks, the blitz to edit at twice their usual pace and the later nights spent at the office with reminders to test is blood sugar coming from Matt or Bruce or basically anyone around with a tap on his shoulder. Thinking about those nights he could have spent over at one of their houses if he hadn’t been so afraid of running out of insulin or some other disaster. A phantom pain rushed past his stomach as his fingers felt for the plastic _thing_ that kept his machine bits connected to his human bits.

 It wasn’t a secret that Adam hated going places unprepared. He wasn’t a spontaneous “let’s drive to a city two hours away” guy. He was more the “I need a week in advance to plan for this day trip to grandma’s house” kind of guy. Probably a side effect of the management he was responsible for every day. So the fact that he was barely prepared and it was entirely on him didn’t do too much for his mood.

 “Alright, let’s go!” Bruce announced, “I’ll drive!”

 In a quick flash of inspiration, Adam pulled open a drawer next to his desk, grabbed a handful of candy packages and shoved them into his bag like a guy hoarding Olive Garden breadsticks before throwing it over his shoulder, grabbing a camera off his desk and following Lawrence out the door, who watched the whole scenario with a raised eyebrow and a mischievous grin.

 “Been a rough day?”

“Quite the opposite, actually,” Adam yawned, “Just that I’m on a roll with this whole diabetes thing and I’d like that roll not to be off a fucking cliff.”

 Lawrence shrugged, threw an arm around Adam’s shoulder and pulled him close: “In that case, let’s hope this doesn’t end in disaster so we can all maybe have a good time tonight.”

 “That’d be nice,” Adam replied, though he was already calculating the insulin he had and the insulin he’d need for the rest of the day.

 Lawrence leaned in and placed a quick kiss on Adam’s cheek before he pulled out his phone and started pushing forward.

 “Shotgun!” he shouted, and both could hear James groan from around the corner, followed by Bruce’s infectious laugh.

“Sorry James. Lawrence called it.”

“Damn it!” James joked, “Next time I’ll grab an actual shotgun and then I’ll have my spot.”

“And a scary reputation to go with it,” Adam deadpanned just as Lawrence’s phone shot off a shotgun sound effect.

 A little bird sitting on a plant feeder by the parking lot took off into the air just as Adam was throwing his bag into the backseat.

 Maybe he was overreacting. Maybe the day trip would be just fine and he could make it through without issues. He’d been dealing with this thing for twenty-something years, right? One little trip to a beach wasn’t going to kill him.

 Mostly he was worried that it would provide ample position for the rest of the crew to bring up more conversations about them moving in together, and there was no escape from an isolated beach.

 It was 9:45. The beach was about thirty minutes away, and lunch would likely be a few hours after that. He’d test around there and see a certain number before giving himself a few units of insulin before returning to their gig for a couple hours more. And any worries he had would only be amplified by the rest of Funhaus.


	2. Miscalculated

The car came to a halt on one of those beach row parking lots where the ground was made of gravel and they were all desperate enough to press outside as the quartet stumbled from the doors of the SUV and into the expected Californian –

Overcast?

 Sure enough, the usual white sand was cast in a dull grey, and the opaque waves were anything but picturesque as Adam’s nose wrinkled at that sludgy garbage scent. The doors slammed behind them as Adam sighed deeply and glanced at James behind him who was currently on the phone while balancing a tripod on his perfect shoulders.

 “Okay… yeah, we’ll find you. Is everything – no I’m not doubting you! Damnit, Elyse… haha yeah. See you soon.”

 James’ prattling still managed to hold his snark even as Bruce snuck up and tapped his ass gently. The man only sent him a strong glare as Bruce replied with a snicker and started skipping down to the beach. Adam patted his back pocket, assuring that his phone was still there before he started following suit.

 “Five bucks we’re not leaving for another six hours,” Adam joked as Lawrence adjusted the collar of his shirt.

 He shrugged as they marched down a couple wooden steps, “Honestly I think we’re lucky if we’re done before the usual.”

“Of course.” Adam sighed.

 The beach itself wasn’t too packed. The lack of sunshine was more than enough to drive them away, but the hint of a breeze that brushed past Adam’s shoulder only made the situation worse.

 Or better if you needed to be filming. It turns out that the best place for what they were looking for was right at the edge of the beach, which meant more walking. Adam’s brain was a mess as he tried to piece together the meeting they had about planning this whole thing.

 In essence, it was more of the same stuff they always did. Some nonsense sketches that needed to get done for Let’s Play Live, which meant a day on the town.

 Nothing made California look worse than some cloudy skies. Soon, they came across the stone wall at the edge of the beach. Elyse was leaning against it in her best “I’m totally casual” impression. With her shades down on her nose, Adam couldn’t help but snort as James ran over and she fell back into his eyes.

“Oh, so we’re finally doing the Weekend at Burnie’s remake!” Adam grinned.

  “Well, maybe if we have time once everything else is done,” Matt smiled, “And I’m not taking any chances.”

 Lawrence was over next to him in a second, “Is it wise to leave your bungalow unattended, Peake?”

“It’s not my –“

“I mean it may as well be,” Bruce chuckled, “Who knows what they get done when you’re not there.”

 “Oh, they get _more_ than enough done,” Adam stated, provoking a few stares from some of the crew’s other members.

Bruce opened his mouth to say something but thought better of it when James finally put the tripod into the ground.

“Okay!” He cheered, “So where are we starting?”

* * *

 

“I… did not… sign up for this…” Adam groaned as he tumbled into the sand.

 “C’mon, gamers doing a marathon carrying 15-pound weights is definitely a must for this,” James smirked.

Adam was no slouch when it came to gym days, but _no one_ was expected to do the same sprint scene over and over again just to get the angle right. Adam spent most of the running being grateful that he was wearing jeans that day just so he wouldn’t have to worry about his insulin pump falling out of his pocket. But now that his head was slumped over in the sand with sweat dripping from every crevice on his body; there was an argument to be made for shorts.

 The day was already coming and going.

 Though that wasn’t even the worst part.

 “Adam! Are you okay?” Elyse was at his side instantaneously, and all he could do was bite his tongue as his lungs searched for air.

 “I’m fine, thanks,” he mumbled, “let’s just get more of this stuff done, alright?”

“Adam you’re currently face-down in the sand,” Elyse stated.

 He rose a hand to the air and gave a triumphant thumb up before rolling onto his back and staring up at the clouds.

 It was only a moment later that Elyse had joined him, lying down beside him as he stared at the sky.

“Cloudy day, huh,” Elyse smiled.

 Adam gave a subtle nod, “You could say that.”

“Do you know how long it’s been since all of us have had a real conversation?” Elyse sighed, “It seems like we just run into each other in the office –“

“- and then we’re ‘on’ all day,” Adam finished as his fingers felt for each grain of sand, “No, I get that.”

 “So… what keeps you from coming over with us some other nights?

 Adam sucked back a layer of saliva in his throat. Here we go.

 “It- it’s just been tough; you know?” Adam coughed, “ There’s just always things getting in the way.”

 “Are these like ‘current’ life things or just other things in general?”

“Well –“

“Alright, we’re almost done!” James shouted, “Just a few more takes and we can get out of here!”

 Elyse rolled her eyes and pressed back against the sand, “We’re not done with this conversation,” she glared at Adam as she stood up, and then she reached down and offered her hand which he took gratefully.

 The moment his feet hit the ground was the moment he realized how fucked he was. The world started spinning as Adam stumbled over his feet, and almost fell back over again as Elyse swung him around like a rag doll. He fell towards her as she grabbed him by the edge of his shirt and managed to keep him suspended.

  _Fuck… where is…_

His attention started to fuzz around the edges. It was like someone dropped fogged glass over his eyes. He could make out Elyse’s face, her dazzling blue eyes but his body was just gripped by a shaky hand.

 “Adam?”

 He looked around. James had dropped a camera and was running towards him. Even Matt and Bruce were in a full on sprint as Adam tumbled back to the ground.

 “Shit… sorry, I. We can… fuck.”

“Adam, buddy?” Lawrence asked as he got closer, “Is it a sugar thing? What’s going on.”

“Y-yeah…” he stammered.

  _Fuck._ His brain was running in spirals and twisting ideas like a fucking tornado as he felt pins up his arms and prickles tickling his body. It felt like his nerves were preparing to spark and shake and unravel.

 And he was the fucking idiot that left his only lifeline for the low blood sugar he was definitely feeling back at a parking lot more than a few minutes away.

 James bolted from the crowd in another direction. Was Lawrence running up beach strip towards some kind of snack truck?

“Shit… did I say that –“

“Out loud? You sure did,” Bruce smiled at him.

Matt pulled Adam’s arm over his shoulder, “You still cognizant?”

“I,” Adam tried to say something, anything, and he couldn’t figure out why but there were suddenly tears coming down his face, “I’m here but I-I’m crying? And fuck my blood sugar is _so low_ probably but I’m supposed to worry about this – not you guys.”

 “Breathe, Adam,” Matt whispered as Adam’s hands kept shaking and Elyse started rubbing his back.

 “What can we do right now?” Bruce asked, “how can we help.”

Adam just held up a finger, still sniffling as he reached for his pocket as he tried to will himself to just stop crying for a moment, but he couldn’t stop crying and just couldn’t stop _fucking feeling._ The smog of feeling assaulted his sense and brought everything to a sensitive fuzz before he could press the _“SUSPEND”_ button on his insulin pump.

 It was a second after that that Lawrence power-slid across the beach with what looked like a juice box in his hand. In a strange moment of wonderful acrobatics, he tossed it through the air, and Bruce grabbed it like it was nothing, feeding the tiny plastic straw through the foil like a knife straight to the jugular.

  “Here, drink.” He stated, feeding the straw into Adam’s mouth, and he sucked at the liquid desperately.

 Apple juice was like the nectar of the gods at that moment as his body desperately clambered for the sugar.

 “T-thanks…” he muttered in between sips.

And only a few moments later did they see James leaping from the wooden landing, skipping the staircase entirely as he started running across the sand.

Adam was surrounded by people that cared for him, dealing with something he apparently couldn’t deal with himself as James rushed over like the muscular savior he was.

 And Adam just couldn’t stop the tears from dripping down his face.


	3. Reconnect

 It was 6:15 pm and the whole crew was gathered around a table at some restaurant. It was an anxious barrier between that “he needs space” and “we need to know” that kept them in a strange gravitational orbit around Adam as he took another bite of the sandwich in front of him. Adam couldn’t get the image of choosing planets in Astroneer out of his head,  barring how none of his friend (lover? With benefits?) planets were leaving their zone. The memory of the previous incident was far behind even if he couldn’t get the image of his tears hitting the sand beneath him out of his head.

  The silence was beyond uncomfortable. It was a ghost that hovered over his spine and sent his brain in spirals before he took a deep breath and stared at the device next to him. The blood sugar 32 was still blazed into his brain like a cattle prod. That was _way too low._ And he didn’t want to open his mouth because then the conversation would be forced to begin.

 But that was probably better than this fucking tension.

 “Okay. This afternoon was a bit of a disaster… so I should probably – “

“I swear to God Adam if you try apologizing for this I will kick your ass right now.” Bruce snarled, and Adam’s whole body went tense. He didn’t even realize his arms were crossed as all set of eyes fell in on him.

 “It was my screw up! I took away time we should’ve been using to finish these fucking videos!” Adam snapped back.”

 “Health comes first every time,” Matt stated.

Matt’s stare robbed Adam of a response as he looked around at the group. The pained looks on their faces was a shot of guilt straight to his heart even as some, like Lawrence, used their phone as a distraction to look away.

 “I made a dumb mistake. I’ve been dealing with this crap for a _long_ time now,” Adam grumbled.

 It was James’ turn up to bat: “And you’ve earned yourself a few mistakes. We care about you, Adam. If that isn’t obvious by now.”

 “I… I _get_ that.”

“Then why do you keep avoiding help when we offer it?” James responded.

 Adam chewed at the inside of his lip for a moment. The thought, the sentiment was there without structure, but all they needed was language to bring them what he was trying to emulate.

 “I _need_ this to be _my_ problem,” Adam said softly.

 A pause.

Adam cleared his throat, “I mean that this needs to be primarily my concern because I can and need to take care of myself. I know that you guys want to help me with stuff… but the diabetes thing is my thing. My baggage to carry.”

“We get that – “Lawrence started, but Adam spoke up faster.

“I just need you guys to know that. But you are right. I need to be better at accepting help when I need it.”

 The soft silence returned, but Adam could find oxygen once more. His blood sugar had evened out, and he could think clearly for the first time in hours.

 “We love you, Adam, you know that, right?” Peake asked, level-headed to a point it was almost frustrating.

 Adam could only nod, “I… I just didn’t want to get close because I thought you’d think that this disease would be too much.”

“Christ Adam. Some of us have known you _literally_ forever.” Lawrence shook his head, but there was a smug smile on his face as he pushed his plate away from him.

Adam shrugged, “It’s a little different when it turns into… whatever’s going on here.”

“Raise your hand if you’ve fucked everyone at this table,” Bruce said, and the way he said it made Elyse sputter as she drank from a glass of water.

 But soon, all of them had their hands raised, and despite their laughter, the fondness they felt for each other was beyond the numbers that they had for their lives. His blood sugar had been 32 at 2:26 pm, and they’d taken 3 hours and fourteen minutes after that to finish filming. It took likely fifteen minutes for them to get through this conversation.

 But even he couldn’t calculate the amount of affection or adoration at that table with any number. At least not yet.


	4. Cooperation

 His eyes opened slowly the next morning, and he snuggled further into the covers. The warmth was inviting as he felt a heavier weight against his back and his eyes glanced over to see that the alarm clock he was expecting was nowhere to be seen. It was… soft. The only word Adam could find to explain it at that moment.

 The events of the night before were starting to stitch together like pieces of a quilt after their day of shooting. As much as he wanted to curl further into that sense of warmth, his body was calling…

…and that pizza he ate last night was definitely on his list of things to look out for. With a sigh Adam pulled himself out of the bed and grabbed a black t-shirt off the floor. The bed behind him shuffled a bit as he turned to see Bruce, still in the throes of sleep wrap arms around Lawrence to bring him a little closer, and Matt still comfortably squeezed between the two of them.

 Adam couldn't stop the soft smile that came to his lips as he meandered back into Bruce’s kitchen. His bag of stuff sat right where he left it the night before and his hands found the familiar device in its dark case. In a few moments blood was being tested again.

 The number flashed across the screen, and it took everything that Adam had not to shout with glee.

 “Fuck yes,” he cheered through gritted teeth.

 A pair of hands interceded with his own as Adam pressed his palm against the counter. Then, his other arm was taken from him as Adam looked up to see the lovely Willemses staring back at him with a pair of grins.

 “What’s the damage,” James asked.

 Elyse chuckled, “’Coz we do have a friend who drives ambulances.”

“Yeah. That’s come in handy more than a few times.” James chuckled.

 Adam mustered his best dead eyes to glare back at the pair, and the only response was a bright smile from both of them and the pureness of Elyse’s bedhead and James’ sleepy-morning eyes.

 “Okay… both of you need to put shirts on,” Adam mumbled, “But also –“

“Coffee?” Bones popped up from behind the island, sliding a mug across the table directly into Adam’s hands.

  _Thank you._ He mouthed quietly, still not fully aware of what was going on, but just letting things happen seemed to be just fine. There was no rush, his blood sugar was fine, he was surrounded by flawless human beings.

 “Anyway, you were saying?” Bones asked as he leaned across the counter.

 Adam took a deep breath, “but also I somehow managed to eat a pizza without it ruining my life!”

 The trio stared at him, trying to figure out a response.

 “It-It just doesn’t happen that often.”

 “Good on ya, bud,” Elyse chuckled as she poked him in the side, “Now if I could get some support on waking up the rest of these boys then maybe we can get through the rest of this morning with a few successes.

 “If you ask me to go in there I can’t promise I’ll come back out,” Adam grinned before taking a sip from his coffee.

 Bones came around and wrapped a hand around Adam’s waist before leading him over to the couch, and Adam wasn’t in a position to object.

 “Plus you all got to witness Adam tears, so let me have my cyborg and you can go deal with the beast’s den.” Bones said, and in a moment Adam was sitting in another Adam's lap with a warm mug of coffee in his hand.

 Adam wasn’t complaining. In fact, mostly he was just kicking himself for not joining them on days like these beforehand. But when there was a great group of them spending time together, he didn’t have to spend all of his time thinking about dumb numbers.

 That was a sweetness he wouldn’t have to calculate.

**Author's Note:**

> Special thanks to the shiphaus discord, for without them I would never have the motivation to write this fic.
> 
> Or have committed the number of sins I have.


End file.
